Why Motherhood Feels So Overwhelming: Beyond Postpartum Anxiety
In the U.S., we often place the postpartum experience squarely in the category of illness: you receive a diagnosis, are prescribed medication, and that becomes the solution. But in doing so, we rarely examine the social structures that shape and strain a mother’s mental health journey.
Let’s shift that lens. What is it about motherhood that makes it particularly vulnerable to Anxiety—what we clinically refer to as postpartum anxiety?
Lack of Predictability: Many of us are raised in relatively stable, predictable environments—we’re not navigating daily threats like famine, natural disasters, or constant danger. Then suddenly, we are responsible for a vulnerable human being who does not follow any predictable pattern. This level of unpredictability can quickly turn into overstimulation—often at an intensity we’ve never experienced before.
Lack of Support or Preparation: There are countless books and resources, often offering conflicting advice about how things should be done. But what happens when your experience doesn’t match the book or what a friend suggested? It can quickly lead to fears about whether something is developmentally “wrong” with the child. Much of the guidance also asks parents to think from the child’s perspective—which is important—but it overlooks the reality that human children are limited communicators for the first several years. At the same time, there is very little in our culture that prepares mothers for the cognitive and emotional shifts happening within themselves during this transition.
3. Expectations: We carry deeply held ideas about how a baby should behave and what childhood should look like. These expectations are shaped by the world around us—and they are constantly shifting. In the early 2000s, the fear was that without technology, children would fall behind; more recently, the message has flipped, warning that too much technology contributes to anxiety and depression. Layered onto this are pressures from family, friends, and ourselves. In this rigid, black-and-white framework, there is little room for trial and error, for understanding unique family dynamics, or for figuring out what is actually sustainable.
4. Pressure to Get It Right—or Else: The fear of “messing up” your child has always existed, and it has often fallen disproportionately on mothers. Today, that pressure feels amplified in a world saturated with experts and social media. While these spaces can be valuable—I might not have discovered concepts like matrescence without them—they can also create overload. The challenge becomes learning to recognize that overload, making space for what feels manageable, and allowing yourself the flexibility to adjust course along the way.
