THE COMPLICATED REALITY OF MOTHERS DOING LESS

Early motherhood (before the school-age years) is a chaotic time. The level of dependence in these early years, combined with the transformation from woman to mother, often collides with a constant internal narrative: I should be working, I should be cooking, I should be exercising, I should be playing with the kids, and so on. In an already overpacked world, the focus quickly shifts to efficiency and constant adjustment.

From both personal experience and the experiences of my clients, doing more doesn’t work.

But simply telling a woman—a mother—to do less doesn’t work either. She is often navigating both external judgment and an internal monologue that equates “doing less” with failure. So instead, we approach rest from a logistical standpoint by creating boundaries. Boundaries are rules you set for yourself based on your values.

Let’s take food as an example—something that comes up often in my sessions.

If you value home-cooked meals above all else, then something else has to give. That might mean letting go of a perfectly clean house or using paper goods to reduce the burden of dishes.

Next looks at your high value priority with flexibility: does every meal need to be freshly cooked? Can leftovers be part of the plan? Could a tiffin service support you for some meals?

Boundaries help clarify what is essential versus what is simply ideal.

The next step is implementing those boundaries. This is often where the real challenge lies. The pressure to immediately fill any small pocket of freed-up time can be relentless. Both internal and external voices will push you to stay productive.

Resist that urge.

Allow that space to remain unfilled. Use it intentionally to rest and regulate your nervous system. Take the walk. Choose the nap. Watch the show. Stay in the shower a little longer.

Rest is not what happens after everything is done—it is part of how things get done sustainably.

For a deeper dive, read my blog post Rest is the Reset to explore what we often misunderstand about rest.